It is official!
The enemies of Nigeria are not, after all, ordinary citizens who care enough to discuss and debate the future of the Nigeria, and what can be done to make Nigeria work.
No the enemies are the horde of rodents, furniture eating, dollar chopping rodents, who have established a permanent colony in Aso Rock.
They are not elected, but they won’t let those elected do their work.
You have heard the story.
Those rodents of folklore that invade the farm at night and get busy stealing yams from the field; they then balance it on their heads, and make a run for it!
Nigeria has been plagued with these rodents for long, but now the epidemic is getting out of control.
These are viral, virulent, pestilential rodents.
They’ve infected the whole place with two particular strains of the deadly viruses: sycophantia and TNC (Totally No Clue) syndrome.
They are known to cause people to go brain dead and make them say outrageous things without realising it.
They have also predicated remarkable scenes in Aso Rock, with aides and special assistants chanting “I love you I love you” ad nauseum to their bosses a few hundred times daily, with the bosses dancing away to the rhythmless chanting.
Observers say there is little room left for policy making.
All the brilliant essayists – including one gentleman that worked for the Guardian newspaper-who have worked in Aso Rock have contracted these deadly viruses, brought about by the rodents.
The president is well advised to keep away from the rodent-infested villa.
He would likely give a better speech next time round.